It is
almost a catastrophe when an idea bites you so hard, that there is no relief
from it but to see it executed. It could also be true about the deep bonds that
we forge with certain individuals. Not that we wish to see them executed, but
the relentless prayer to see the relationship succeed. In a sense, we as
individuals, come under the crushing weight of unavoidable love.
We are
smitten. We are driven crazy. We are rendered sleepless.
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| We might never know why some persons, places or ideas have an irresistible pull over us. And therein lies our greatest hint from the Universe, to go chase it. Chase that smile, dream or scent like it was the last bus home, like it was the last drop of elixir in our transient existence. (Photo: school boys in Kashipur, Rayagada, Odisha. I still cannot forget their smiles or mischief. Their all-embracing innocence still draws me back to their tribe.) |
It is
very much our own doing. No idea or person comes in our lives out of the blue.
This is no Secret, this is no Cosmic Law. It is purely the logic that we
attract only what we harbour. Hence, the whole affair becomes unavoidable. If
one was to eat, sleep and dream of music all day long, it is impossible that
one is possessed by any other idea but music. Notes float around the environs,
rhythms beckon everywhere and a lyrical beauty emerges from all things in the
universe. And all this is simply because music has become the very breath and
soul of the person. It is quite true then, that most of lyricists end up
penning melodies on the back of a matchbox or composers put together symphonies
suddenly in the middle of the night. It is the crushing weight of unavoidable
love.
We have
carried it with us for so long. We will do anything to shed that load; which
will remain a ceaseless attempt. We will yet continue to carry the weight with
us.
Consider
a researcher, who is at their job, day in and day out focused only on one
single experiment/ hypothesis/ thesis. Several shots at the paper, multiple
takes on the analysis, mild variations in the results and the researcher has to
start from scratch again. Yet, if motivated enough, the researcher does it.
Once, twice, ten times, a hundred times over. It is all worth the time and
effort to this researcher, for they have been living under this crushing weight
of unavoidable love.
We tend
to get exhausted. We might succumb under the weight. Yet, is there anything
nobler than pursuing that love single-mindedly and whole-heartedly?
If I were
to wake up one morning and feel that this weight has been lifted off my
shoulders, unasked and unannounced, I would be bereft of a need to carry on
with my living. At least until I find another love, another goal, another
pursuit, another relationship that can keep me alive and awake. In a way that
these passions are overwhelming and deprive you of any other engagement, they
are also redeeming. The security of every evening bringing more questions and
the fire to chase their answers every morning, is inevitable. Even as it seems that
we are anchored by these passions, we are also beautifully meandering on our
own life's landscape. It is beautiful to float under the crushing weight of
this unavoidable love.
We open
our arms to embrace this love. We are ourselves bound tight by this love. We
end up being nothing but this crushing, unavoidable love.
I find
myself torn and tired trying to answer benumbing questions about life, career
and relationships. I am sure many workday afternoons and lazy Sunday mornings
have gone in just mulling about the vagaries of life. That is if they were not
subsumed like the fuel in an all raging fire of whatever love it be. The least
of objects, experiences and thoughts can trigger profound inquiries. One
thought chases another, and soon the head and the heart are huffing and puffing
to keep themselves relevant under this crushing weight of unavoidable love.
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| Every sunset, every bird call, every hoot of the train, every blink of the traffic signal seems like some cryptic code to understand what weighs upon us. It pushes me to wonder why I wake up everyday and what is it that I am following? What is it that I am building? What is it that I am battling? What is it that I am nurturing? The weight is unmistakable, and it only grows with time. (Photo: sunset at Khori, Rewari, Haryana. Home for six months in the past. A part of me still lingers by those wheat fields and under that orange sky.) |
I have
just begun to realise what has befallen over me; the growing consequences of
what I have steadily nurtured throughout my formative years. I hope that I have
the energy and courage to put up with this weight. More courage than energy,
for the will to survive automatically follows conviction. I pray that this
beautiful confusion, your own, besots your living daylights too! There is no
escape. There is only one way to handle the crushing weight unavoidable love-
deal with it.
